im so damn fcuking pissed.
im
retyping this entry. shit the comp.
got home from work.
hate irene for getting alice into trouble with marg.
hate doing lobby.
didnt get to get my injection.
cos that bloody clinic closed early.
dont know my schedule yet.
steven has quitted from mac. just today.
anyway, work wasnt good today. hahas.
well. steven. whats so special about him? l0ls.
he's a 24 year old man.
he aint very rich i guess.
but he've got his own car. paying by himself.
he knows how to cook, clean, wash, volunteers.
great and wonderful guy indeed.
i admire him. hahas~ my inspiration? haha..
school's on tomorrow. darn boring.
school's gonna be on on tues, wed and fri as well.
boo,
boo, boo, boo, BOO.
its math lesson. what more can i ask for? l0ls!
some of them coming over to my place for vcds.
got tons of new vcds. laughoutlouds.
not confirm who's coming...
but xin, shu and lex coming most probably.
and maybe with matt, dicky and han. hahas..
ah. im kinda lost now.
mp3's gone. lend it to my sis. hahas.
nice me huhs? hahas..
alrights. gonna end here. im soooo tired.
gonna go sleep. hahas..
school's on tomorrow =(
byebye.
and sadly,i miss him.
well. my decision is somehow negative.
not confirmed though.
indecisive.yippies!! gonna go get mah injection tomorrow.
which means, i'll be stationed at counter real soon!
congrats me man... bwahahas..
im so freaking tired of lobby. hahas~
err. well. working tomorrow. ah booooring~ yawns* =p
school on monday, tuesday, wednesday and friday.
sentosa on thursday most probably... ahs... tired~
hmmm. lemme count how much money i've earned so far..
plus tomorrow.. will earn 84 bucks for this 6 days.
will be earning really little this holidays. what the heck.
think im gonna find some other jobs to do.
gonna ask around.
either taking my sis' primary ONE kid for tuition.
or looking for some other jobs. grrrr =(
alrights. i miss
you.you know who are
you.just wanna see
you soon.
take care alrights ~
hmm. oookays. gonna slack a little while..
while waiting for my sis to get done with bathing.
then my turn. hahas..
good night all.
enjoy ya holidays..
byebye =)
hmmm. another night up late.. boo.
well. was feeling really unwell at work today.
but was so much better when finishing..
cos something funny happened to me..
and im like smiling and grinning my way off like..
like a retard. yes,
retard.haha =x
hmmm. today is steven's last night at mac.
he's working else where. all the best =)
and lemme share some things.. hahas..
he's only like 24..
and he've got his own car...
and his is paying it by himself..
gosh, i admire him man. hahas..
and on top of that...
he's a man, yet he does everything.
and i mean
everything.
he cooks, he cleans, he washes, he volunteers.
he's a wonderful man indeed. envies* haha =p
hmm. schedule for work not planned yet.
also dont know when working, when not.
got alice into some trouble with marg at work.
damn that irene. fancy complaining to marg.
alice lemme meddle with food without taking injection.
and irene complained.
whats the big deal of being a 1st asst? rolleyes*
and its NO big deal working at mac.
fire me if you want.
i wont work at mac after my sec3 dec.
i will look for better paying jobs after my o's. hurr.
hmm. school's on tomorrow.
as well as tues, wed and fri. what the heck?!?!?!
laughoutlouds. just schooling. for math some more.
gosh. im sooooo gonna fall asleep. hahas..
oh yeahs. xin, lex, shu coming over to my place tmr.
watching vcds.. i've got like tons of them. new shows =p
hmm. not confirmed who else. but should be with...
matt and dicky? maybe with han. haiis. i dont know la.
laughoutlouds. im now so god damn freaking lost.
cos my sis borrowed my mp3 player.
no music on the way to school tomorrow.
boo
boo boo boo what the heck.
last day of school finally.
school term finally ended.
cheerios for all students ~
got back my results.
not satisfied with it though.
gonna buck up..
gambate~!!
and school was terrible. hahas..
played with water, soap while cleaning up.
i got wet. alot got wet.
and we were laughing at ourselves..
hahas.. crazy bunch of fools. =x
and haohan was outta his mind.
he actually wanna pour thinner on matt.
is he crazy or something? gosh.
heard that this matter has been spread..
among the counsillors board only.
hopefully the teachers wont get to know..
if not the class gonna so get punised badly.
oh by the way.. 7 guys got canned.
on the last day of school.
yes. insane bunch.
oh. then came home after having lunch at plaza.
with xin, lex, matt and dicky.
went to the playground n acted like small kiddos.
then to my place. and act crazy.
matt acted like Mr Jay Chou.
lex actually listens to techno.. amazed =p
dicky cant fly a plane though in yfc.. hahas..
and xin is bore by those guys.. hahas..
left together at 1615.
wenta work. while they headed home.
had a fun time putting xin and lex together.
enjoyed ourselves though.. haha =)
work today was terrible.
this new manager, irene.
i simply dislike her to the core.
i know im very judgemental.
but sorry. she gives me a darn weird feeling.
did lobby the whole day throughout.
darn tired. terrible..
im so glad alice is coming back tomorrow.
which means i will be treated better =)))
came home feeling darn shag.
fell aslp on the bus twice?
nearly miss my stop.. hahas..
took an hour long of bath.
just stood under the shower head.
im damn lost, damn tired.
i just wanna sleep forever....
alrights. its been really long since i went out on saturdays.
maybe i should go out and walk before i go to work.
see how bahs.. for now, gonna go do some things first..
before heading to bed..
im really tired. hahas..
oh yeahs. some sentosa gaming on 2nd june, thursday.
gonna go tanning. hahas.. with mah classmates.
gonna torture people man.. bwahahas =pbp
and planning some bbq for both pr6 and sec2 class.
as well as some outing with linkin n deshun. l0ls...
gonna be busy i guess.. but im tired... hahas*
good night guys..
take care. missya.
troubled.
this is really a year of breaking up.
couples around me are breaking up one by one.
everyone's feeling so hurt.
what is the freaking problem man..... =(
linkin's breaking up with his girl.
xue is breaking up with her guy.
vernon broke with his girls..
deshun broke with bishan.
kelvin and his girl.
priscilla broke with her girl.
kenny broke with his girl.
jofri broke up with his girl.
joyna and her guy.
audrey and her guy.
my guy and i.
hahas. the list doesnt stop here.. it continues..
terrible terrible.. where is the guardian of love??
i wonder if these couples would patch up..
and i wonder if my guy and i can be together again.
i loved him.. and i love him..
i dont wanna do without him.. but..
why isnt he willing to just be weak, for once...
and tell me he needs me
again?
just once more, will do.....
i need him, i really do... `
well. its wednesday today.
and turning thursday in 9 minutes.
and soon, thursday will be over..
and comes friday... and i hope friday never comes..
though he'd be fetching me from work..
though i know i'd be happy seeing him after so long..
but i really dread going to work..
im very tired, very very tired and sick..
thinking that i've to go work.. im kinda turn off.
i somehow wanna quit cos the work isnt enjoyable.
but for money sake, i think im perservering.
i gotta prove to him im not giving up so easily..
that refers to my job, my studies and him...
i will perservere.. gambate~!!
though i once wanted time to pass faster..
though i once wanted holidays to come soon..
but i really hope time would slow down..
and time would stop and turn back...
there are too many things i've done wrong..
too many things i'm regretting now..
i really hope...
hope that i can have one last chance to change everything...
i miss him.
one sentence for today.
i enjoyed myself, but the price was to pay with my life.
hahas.. it sounds so serious.. but.. its kinda bahs...
adding to my weak body..
i've now pimples, ulcers and blisters..
that is just all the visible pain..
my pain that cant be seen is still my headache n all.
feeling terrible.
basketball without shoes.
truth or dare with lotsa physical training and water treatment.
it may seem simple..
but if you play it from 1pm all the way to 630pm..
and imagine my face is still like a monkey's butt now..
still red red red.. hahahs... cheeky monkeys~ l0ls!
my this group of people darn steady.
planned a trip to sentosa in days soon to come..
hahas.. damn funny. hopefully plan wont cock up.
hmm. having treasure hunt at botanic gardens tomorrow..
abseiling on thursday... but my feets are badly blistered.
cant play i guess.. boohoohoo~ i wanna play!!!! =(
hahas. nto sure. i can bear with the pain, i play.
cannot then i LL bo wei gong. l0ls~
alrights. as for now, im going off first.
perhaps to catch my sweet little rest...
am really shagged plus badly injure..
bye guys.
i miss you still though.but guess im doing fine.learning to give up..i hope i can ~
err. back home. still suffering from the pain from my 2 ulcers.
one big, one small. grrr. it hurts.
even after applying and rubbing salt onto them. haiis!!!
hmm. spent my day out at tampines mall, whitesands then beach.
walked from first beach to second one.
didnt see him though. haiis.. was hoping to see him..
err. came across this magazine..
in the love section it says...
give up if you and your guy broke up for 3 months n above.
because usually there's no turning back after so long..
will me and him have no turning back? haiis...
really worrying about this.. though i know i shouldnt.
i really dont know what to do without him.
i really need him like the way he needs me.. haiis.
alrights. gonna bathe and sleep. rather tired.
bye guys.
i miss you still. and i still do love you.take care sweet. all i need is you. muacks~
back from
tada dadada~ im lovin' it!!
hahahs.. shall update update~
work was easy for me today.
guess hardwork really pays off bahs..
today just learnt counter and all.
wasted 3 ice cream cones as im a newbie.
but mastered it liao le. bwahahas..
time past really fast.
i was doing counter thingy all the way..
until 9pm den i did the last 1/2 hr of lobby.
can say... its much simpler now =)
well. not working all the way till this coming fri.
really boooring. hahas..
tomorrow's vesak day. no school on monday.
going old folk's home on tuesday.
having i-dont-know-what on wednesday.
abseiling on thursday.
and taking back of rresults on friday.
and this semester just end like this.. hahas..
time really flies indeed. =)
hoping so much for the holidays to come quickly.
then i've more time for myself.
dont have to worry about returning to school and all.
life will be a little relax i believe.
then i'll be practicing my math...
and reading more english books and stuff.
my english gotta buck up a little.
and my math gotta buck up more more more!!!
hahas.. cant believe im getting more hardworking as days past.
well. there's nothing much left to say.
just fnshed watching meteor garden part one.
gonna borrow vcds from people.
i want watch dolphin bay and meteor garden two.
and orhs. there'll be many bbqs and stuff coming up in june.
that will be good. really good =)
hmm. tomorrow might be my excercising day.
gonna go jog a few rounds.
and cycle for an hour or two.
gotta lose my tummy and tone up my bod.
hahas.. gonna work hard towards it.
im not lazy alrights =p
hahas. okays okays.
gonna end here. gonna do something else.
really bored ya know? l0ls~
take care guys. byebye.
sweet dreams sweet. sleep tight. missyou. mwahs<3
ooohs. i just updated this morning..
but that was just about me and him..
well. home from work about an hour ago..
shall update now..
lets go!!!tada dadada.. im lovin' it~!!hahas. first day of work was on the 20th.
it was horrible larhs.
was like a maid. did lobby the whole 5 hours.
am really shagged. but met him.
nice nice. spent time together =)
then today lehs. hahas.. is a success for me..
finally not much of lobby work to do..
aint that tiring le though..
then am really progressing fast and well.
everything went smoothly for me.
was my second day at work..
but i learnt my fries, ice cream, drinks le.
tomorrow learning counter!!! hahas..
damn fast bahs. l0ls!!!
i am sooooo damn happy =p
well. know a few nice aunties though.
auntie fatimah and auntie rachel.
thats all. the rest are meanies =x
l0ls. well. today not much of customers.
a little relax. though time past a little slow..
but luckily there's nothing much to do..
hahas. am doing great and fine.. bwahahs ~
well. tomorrow will be working too..
cos learning counter mahs..
i think i can do counter in days soon to come!!
am soooo happy. wahahas..
well. he's fetching me from work tomorrow..
so gooood... hahas =p
i'm really happy these few days though..
just feeling happy.. hahas..
well well. going off. go watch meteor garden.
finishing le.. hahas..
good night guys. sweet dreams, sleep tight..
take care and enjoy =)
byebye~
i will love him always.
and i will never stop loving him!!!
he'll be my baby for life.
i love you babe <3
im just so happy.. after this night.
he somehow came to fetch me from work.
we spent some sweet happy times together.
and seriously, i love him x)
wahahas.. i love him, i love him, i love him~!!!
i will update soon!!
all i know i love him so much tonight.
and will always love him this much.
but dont misunderstand.
we havent patch.
but i just love him.. grins* ^^
byebye.
sleep tight honey. sweet dreams sweetie.
i love you. i miss you. mwahs muacks ~
my baby for life. t-d-d-u-p <3
surprisingly, i aint in school.
im at home, due to waking up at 7am.
hahahas.. so darn funny.
mummy volunteered to ask me to go back to sleep.
second time in my life... laughoutlouds ~
but still. im going out later.
to get my mc and out to get shoes for work tml.
maybe alone. i dont know.
life just kinda sucks.
well. he didnt meet me up yesterday even though promised.
but. haiis. somehow he's finding ways not to see me.
i may be irritating. but all i want is to talk things out.
i dont believe there's no way for patching..
and the stubborn and determined me..
will be out in the afternoon to get mc.
and by evening, i'll meet him up at his place uninvited.
i may be really irritating.. but..
if i let him know before hand, we'd
never meet.
i'd rather he find me irritating than to lose this chance..
he's just so important to me.
maybe.. maybe i should just forget it.
maybe i should just turn my head and never look back..
maybe i should just get a bf and wash him out of my head.
i dont know what and why am i saying all these..
i know im contradicting whatever i've said previously.
but i really cant take it anymore.
the times when i think of his sweet little nothings.
and compare with his harshness towards me..
im really really heartbroken.
i really love him for who he is.
i've never stopped loving him bcos he's harsh to me.
and i will never stop loving him bcos he treats me differently.
i may get real upset and angry.
but no matter how upset, how angry i get...
i will still love him and want him by my side.
but sadly.. all these gotta end.
im really really hoping God would bless me with him again.
and i promise everyone that i'd make the best out of this.
and on top of that, i'd study harder as well.
i'll make everything perfect, everyone happy.
i really really hope he'd return to me...
well. let's put that aside for a moment or two.
i dont know how my life will be after i start work.
and im afraid of the nights i'll be going home alone.
im really hoping he'd return and send me home after work.
haiis. well. tomorrow's my first day at work.
gotta be there early as i havent get my uniform.
and i hope i wont do lobby for long... *crossfingers*
and oh yarhs. have been looking for a good tuition teacher.
but she charges damn expensive.
8 lessons a month, 1.5 hours per lesson for $380.
haiis. my family cant afford this for long..
and maybe i'd just forgo this great opportunity.
but i really hope my math can strengthen up. haiis~
well well. i think im gonna end here.. as..
im going to practice my math.
i really need the help. the practices..
and hope my practices would help me.
well. gonna end this entry with a song i loved for long..
and just got it cos i just know the title. hahas..
enjoy friends. take care ~
true by ryan cabrera ~
i wont talk i wont breathe
i wont move till you finally see
that you belong with me
you might think i dont look
but deep inside
in the corner of my mind
im attached to you
im weak
its true
cos im afraid to know the answers
do you want me too
cos my heart keeps falling faster
ive waited all my life
to cross this line
to the only thing thats true
so i will not hide
its time to try
anything to be with you
all my life ive waited
this is true
you dont know what you do
everytime you walk into the room
im afraid to move
im weak
its true
im just scared to know the ending
do you see me too
do you even know you met me
ive waited all my life
to cross this line
to the only thing thats true
so i will not hide
its time to try
anything to be with you
all my life ive waited
this is true
i know when i go
i'll be on my way to you
the way thats true
ive waited all my life
to cross this line
to the only thing thats true
so i will not hide
its time to try
anything to be with you
all my life ive waited
this is true...
ended.
bye guys ~
chatted with linkin last night. he told me to give up.
and maybe thats the way things should go bahs.. haiis.
maybe i should just forget him and let him go..
but i hate myself for not being able to let go..
i hate myself for not being able to forget him...
i just love him so so so much~
no one is able to replace him i guess...
hoping he'd come back to me one day... amen*
well. spent my day in sch throwing tantrums.
the morning was bored. real bored.
but when the EL trail starts, its so darn fun.. waahahs..
enjoyed myself overall. im appointed the team leader.
hahas.. so funny... its real corny =p
oh yeahs. shahul returned, after so loooong.. hahas..
the school's gonna have a hard time..
dealing with both zaidi and shahul.. grrr =(
after school, headed to bball court.
and played with mah classmates.
held a bball challenge between guys and girls. l0ls!!
but no win no lose tooo.. hahas..
intended to leave at 3 plus. but dragged till 530. haha.
the group of about 10 of us.. hahas.. funny lot.
enjoyed ourselves though.
but everyone left with hweepeng and haohan quarreling.
poor couple. now broke up i think. haiis~
well well. life still have to go on no matter what.
nothing can ever make the time stop.
there's no time machine, nothing such as fairies..
whatever we dream of are only dreams and fantasies..
dreams and fantasies that would never come true..
ah forget it. i'd better stop thinking about him.
its aint healthy. its not good for me.
i'm already so hurt. and thinking of it..
only adds another wound to my badly wounded heart..
alrights. gonna go. im shagged and im upset.
im starting work soon. this friday night.
take care guys..
missed him lots-
i'll always remain a sad girl, till he gets me back..
i really love him so much..
will God just give us this very last chance?
i pray He will. i just hope He will.
amen*
byebye.. =(
hmm. its just another around 3 hours before it hits 18 mths.
but i aint celebrating with him anymore.
no reason to celebrate. its over..
well. poor guy. he lost his phone.
hopefully he can find it back.
either the phone, or the person who steals it.
and if its stolen, the person would die real badly.. haiis.
well. guess its fated that i cant get to tell him what i wanna say.
just wanted to meet him up tomorrow. saddening man.
but i guess its no more.. hahas. plans always go hay-wired. lala.
nevermind nevermind. well. the updates for today.
aint anywhere better than yesterday.
its worst. or its equally bad. im not too sure to judge anyway.
got back all mah results. aint very pleasant with it though.
grrrrr. irritating man. failed one. and thats math. =(
the rest aint anywhere better... but nevermind.
cannot blame much. i know its mah fault.
but still, its not all my fault. ah well. forget it. its over...
cried in class. like a big fool. for both matters.
haiis. i cannot take it oreadi man. boo.
just cried and spill my tears all over~ haha.
hmm. tomorrow dont know having what freaking el thingy.
thinking of skipping school. mummy see no point in going sch oso.
but i shall see... just see how things goes bahs...
thursday to i forgot where. and fri's cross country =(
alll the way at mac ritchie. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr~
gosh. im so darn tired. but still wanna watch meteor garden1.
but scared i dont have the strength to.
im really damn tired.
i'd just drop dead n fall asleep like this if im on a bed. haha.
now having the headaches and all. think im going off.
going rest. cant take it le.
hoep you'll find you phone soon.. missed you-
byebye.
l0ls! got my mp3 player oreadi!! after sooo long =(
laughoutlouds~ today kinda happy bahs. hahas..
but well. it was a real saddening day for me though.
dont wish to say it here. but well..
nothing to do with relationships anymore.
just something else. hahas..
and i realised he wasnt there for me when i need someone.
so that gives me a greater reason to forget him.
ah well. forget it. he just enjoys himself.
and forgot what period it is for me now.
i bet i dont matter much. well well. forget it =)
im leading life quite simple now.
trying to forget him oreadi. somehow, i've moved on a little.
have been spending my nights over at friends' places.
and it will not be an exception tonight. im still going over.
but after this entry, after my bath.
and somehow, i felt that my friends are back again..
have been either meeting up with pri sch frens in the aftn,
or meeting up with my usual girls in the evening..
and they are coming over my place tomorrow aftn.
so i'm quite contented with my current state now.
despite all the unhappy things that happened.
and despite my you-know you-know. hahas.
i dont wanna say. spare me from this biiigggg torture!!!
alrights. somehow i felt that ive screwed up several things.
important ones somemore. haha.
if my parents were to know, they're soooo gonna flipped!!!
so decided to keep my damn mouth shut till confirmed. roll eyes*
an currently admiring my white mp3 player.
im lovin' it~laughoutlouds. hahahs... life's kinda boring too.
every day is out there or at home chilling.
and every night is a night spent outside.
im soooo glad i didnt fell into a dispute with my mom.
and im glad she sooooooo understands =)
well well. nothing much to update though.
am still waiting for him to call me, or meet me up.
but as everyday past, the possibility of him doing either one..
is fading with the blowing winds and the dropping leaves..
which means, its getting further and further away..
but who gives a damn??
he wanna call, he call. if he doesnt wan, then forget it.
kinda used to all these shit anyway. hahas..
well. gonna go bathe and off i go.
bye bye~
back home from dinner.
wenta chompchomp tonight.
and to ice3 for ice creams.. nice nice =)
and took a cab home. laughoutlouds~
anyone wanna join me to chompchomp?
or ice3? i wanna chill at there someday soon ~
anyways. its a boring night here.
didnt sleep for long the whole day.
got home at 8 in the morning.
slept round 10am. woke up at 1300hrs.
went out. came home. went out again for dinner.
and im home now. but going out in awhile.
around 2300 hrs plus.
meeting up with a friend. staying over at their place.
and going school straight tomorrow from there..
which is actually not near from school. arghs!!!
but nevermind. having fun tonight. wahahas~
feeling kinda bored right now. darn tired. hahas..
im meeting up with another friend tomorrow.
most probably larhs. if not on tuesday night.
gonna go chiong. hahas.. you believe? lols!!
nahs. gonna go walk walk. perhaps catch a movie.
and im gonna get mah mp3 player.
if mummy lending me money first. sigh* booring.
i dont know lehs... must consult jiejie first. hahas..
anyways, below are the picture updates.
and just look at mah eye bags. terrible.
it might not be clear but if you see me in person..
gosh, its
darn terrible. haha =(
got comments from shannie.
and i think im really
hardworking. hahas~
an old pic of me and grace.
new pic of shannie and me.
compare compare!!! the freaking eye bags~
haiis. i'll just update 2. the rest of the pics...
show very clearly of my freaking eye bags.
ugly. darn ugly.
but i realised something which makes me happy.
my hair grew longer, at least. l0ls!!!
a difference of
exactly 5 months.
and its been 5 months since i took sticker pictures.
laughoutlouds. i sure am lagging. stupid lagger. -.-!!
hahas.. okays okays.
im gonna go bathe. and pack my things for tml.
which is nothing. and im going out ^^
and yuppies. im feeling so much better now.
thanks guys~ i will get over it soon.
thought over it the whole day im out.
not really worth getting upset over it.
and not really worth waiting like a fool. haha -
well. take care guys.. mwahs <3
just got home. im tired. heading to bed soon.
after this entry i guess...
spent my last afternoon, evening at orchard with shannie.
took sticker pictures.. but i look bad in those pictures..
my heavy dark eye bags.. its really heavy and big...
so i look darn tired in those pictures.. rather upset.
but somehow i werent in the mood yesterday..
were acting aint like myself.. and she asked me about it.
told her a hell load of things.. and felt better of course..
sent her back to pasir ris.. hanged around alone until 10pm.
and called deshun to meet up. and we met up.
i sure do feel akward with this 23 year old guy.
but well. he's the only one available..
met, talked crap, went to the beach, talked.
walked in the rain to his place void deck.
missed my last bus home. went to 24 hours.
got a drink. saw jantzen and dongwei. talked, chatted.
louis joined in awhile. cos kenny n gang went home.
sat and chatted... i felt at ease around them for once.
den around 4 plus, he came back with linkin n vernon in cab.
from orchard. just to look for me.....
but he was darn pissed. but ah well. forget it.
the guys chatted, i went off alone and walked...
when they were done, i joined deshun and gang..
sat down at linkin's void deck and talked...
with louis and johan going home.
and i got everything outta linkin n deshun when dawn breaks.
and just came home looooorhs. haiis..
i dont know what exactly i want.
i dont know if i really can forget him like i said i want to.
its not easy, its really not.
am i really controlling his life too much??
i just dont feel secure!!! what can i do??
i told him about it. but he ask me to stop my bullshits.
what else is there for me to do?? i really dont know...
seriously speaking.. im very disappointed in him too..
he broke his promise. because he was frustrated.
he went to a pub. wanted to drink but didnt.
and to some japanese pub after that.
and hearing from vernon, they're going there next weekend.
its like. yeahs. if he goes, no matter how wrong i am..
i will never want to be with him again.
and i will definitely hate him.
and bcos of this incident that he went.
i somehow find it hard to trust his words.
anws, the didnt drink bcos they wenta look for me.
but still, i am disappointed with him.
and hearing all these made me think..
that he's just trying to get me off his back.
cos he said all these to me. begging me to leave him.
and maybe, i should. he dont have to try that hard.
and maybe i shouldnt get so upset anymore...
well. i really dont know. i really dont.
for now. i may not be blogging for the time being.
might be mia-ing. i really dont feel well.
needa spend some quiet time alone...
i needa find ways for me to forget him..
since im really that irritating...
he's the one i love so much...
yet he's the one who hurts me as much..
be it with words or actions.. it still hurts in either ways.
im going off. i need my rest.
im going out again in 5 hours time.
i just hope he wont disappoint me anymore.
if not, i'll just be gone..
hearing from deshun and all how much he loves n cares for me..
im really overjoyed and happy.
and hearing how much he wanna patch..
also makes me happier now...
but at the same time.. i find it difficult to cope with life now.
maybe age in a relationship really plays a part. an important one..
well, i shall think things over again...
for now, take care guys ~
thought over the matters over n over again.
the matters kept running through my mind..
and... dont know if this is good or bad...
i somehow have decided.. to forget him.
i know very much that i wanna be part of him..
but. its no point in holding onto it for so long..
and get nothing but sadness out of it..
sometimes i really feel that im very dumb.. ya know?
so for now. i hope i can do what i plan to do..
and forget him. bit by bit. erase him out of my mind.
not for anyone or anything.. but myself...
i've brought lots of troubles upon myself..
by loving him, wanting to be with him..
i dont even know who i am anymore..
i just need the time to be alone.. to start everything afresh.
and making sure he aint the guy im gonna start off with.
cos after 18mths of trial. i know that he isnt the guy for me.
somehow.. the things i once expected from him..
were gone as the wind blows, as the days passed..
he isnt the guy who can treat, care and love me like in the past..
time passed.. people changes..
but never once did he admitted he've changed.
but forget it. he'll never know it. cos he aint me..
the endless time he've once spent with me..
the endless happiness we once had..
the endless of phone calls we made..
the endless of emails we both sent to tell each other i miss you.
the endless endless of everything i wanted from an ideal guy..
i've got it all from him..
thinking that he's the guy i wanna live with.
the guy any girl could wish for...
but everything has become a nightmare now..
and its the time, we both let it go...
and search for our next fairytale.. with the next angel..
im very afraid of getting into another r/s.
for fear of getting hurt again if i love too deeply..
the amount of things you can take away from me..
the endless pain you can make me feel and suffer from..
its too much for me to handle.. too much for me.....
maybe that's life.. and i guess im gonna let it go..
i believe i can and i will forget him soon..
because i dont feel the least bit of love he've described,
the least bit of care he told me he'd give me..
and like any other girls forgetting their boyfriends..
i would do the same.. and forget him..
i can say, its almost a 70% that he wouldnt look for me again.
so instead of waiting like a fool, why dont i give up volunteerily?
in that way, i will feel better.. and i wouldnt hate him..
he've broken the one last promise..
and that is to never let anything change after 12 may.
but he did.. he did.. he changed. he broke the promise..
and maybe thats the day i should have long ago gave up hopes on.
cos things will never and can never stay the way like that night..
i can say im praying and hoping very much for him to look for me.
to look for me before i wash him out of my mind..
to look for me to tell me he still love me..
to look for me to tell me he dont want me to go...
and to look for me to tell me he wants me to stay with him..
but i guess it's all fantasies and dreams..
the dreams n fantasies which can never become reality.....
and once again, i broke someone's heart.
and once again, i've made myself suffered the unnecessaries..
its time to wake up and leave, vivian..
you'll feel happier leaving this fact behind you..
you'll find happiness leaving him behind as nothing but memories..
i'll call an end to this entry.
there's no point writing everything i feel out.
there's no one who will bother anyway..
so... goodbye all~
confirmed got a job. starting work next friday.
im feeling bad. real bad. i hate it.
i simply hate everyone. im darn pissed off.
very disappointed. but forget it.
who am i to be disappointed in anyway?
its over, its all over.
i realised that every single entry of mine is contradictive.
one day i say im so happy with him.
the other i told you we broke up.
then back to okays mood. then to quarreling n breaking up.
its like. what the fuck man. im tired of this shit.
leave if you dont wanna bother.
go if you want to. dont bother me if you dont wan to.
you hurt me. so much.
all ur assurance means nothing. nothing at all.
you contradict yourself. no point in trusting.
no point in assuring me something you cant do.
or something that means nothing to you.
just make it simple for both of us.
leave or stay. you choose.
i dont wanna make it a point where i go insane.
and i will. i dont wan that to happen.
short, sweet, simple. as simple as that.
im just freaking pissed off at the moment.
need people to talk to.
but who is available? no one is anyway.
no one is free for me in detail.
im pissed pissed pissed......... =(
ah forget it. off i go.
going out to
tou tou qi.
good nite guys~ arghs!! =(
hmm. friday the 13th. black friday.
kinda black though.
had my art test. forgot to draw in shadows.
black or not?? hahas.. =p
anyways, exams have officially ended!!!
im soooooooooooo happy. hahas.. cheerios ^^
im gonna go enjoy, play, enjoy, play, enjoy......
endless of fun for me. with myself? l0ls!!
nono. of course with people. but. gonna see again..
well. im soooo in love with yesterday. 12 may 05.
me and him broke up on 08th. but.. well.
met up last evening due to the change in time for interview.
had a small little disagreement in the first place.
but talked over it, find it kinda true. so.. yeahs.
then went ahead for dinner together at 24hrs.
he's just soo cute.. hahas..
the things he say. the things he does.. just sooo sweet.
after dinner, he sent me to bus stop.
but on the way there, we stopped..
he told me many things, hugged me.
and ended up kissing, hugging so tight that we dont wanna let go.
i wont deny i missed him. i have always miss him.
he has always been on my mind...
the time seem to stop for a moment or two.
stayed at that particular place hugging n kissing for very long.
we talked, i cried. he assure me many things.
assure me that he'll always be here for me, just me.
he assure me sooo many things that i didnt wanna let him go..
reached the bus stop, missed a bus, headed to the connector to sit down.
he told me how much he missed me and all. hugs n kisses.
then went to the bus stop at 9.
and he went off. and i went home.
very sweet of him. im very glad that i still have him..
i thank lord for letting me to meet up with him..
i thank lord for letting me fall in love with him..
and i hope the story between me and him never ends..
maybe its the time apart that we need..
but it never once meant that we'd love each other any lesser.
and i just wish for the simplest happiness now..
i dont wan him to ever forget our promise..
i dont wan him to ever forget last night.
and i wan him to promise me that things will stay this way...
because, i've never once stopped loving him <3
as for now, i've decided to let this matter rest.
to give each other time to start everything all over again..
we definitely communicate better as friends..
as very good friends.. so when we've thought all over..
when time is right, i believe he'd come back..
as i believe, in time soon to come,
he'd return and bring me back to him..
i believe in him. i've faith in him..
dont disappoint me okays? ^^
well. enough of love.. hahahs..
anyway, thanks guys for letting me know you guys care!!
im feeling so much better now.. =)
gosh. today plans were ruined.
no more kb0x. cos all dispersed the moment after exams.
laughoutlouds. terrible terrible. hahas..
nevermind. im going ahead with my interview later at mac.
need a job desperately. hahahas.. for money. n to kill time.
and for now, yeahs. make more friends, occupy my weekends.
he'll be working this weekend. wont be seeing him.
and im unavailable on saturday. going tanning.
maybe i'll just meet him up for dinner on sat before he goes to work?
hahas.. i just love having him around.. i miss him ^^
and sunday, perhaps meeting up with the girls.
not quite sure though. shannie still having exams next week.
lynn's rather busy and all..
nevermind. shall see how plans go. things should be fine.
monday's school and all. netball resumes i believe. sigh~
dont know when having the irritating post exam activities.
will be having abseiling. which is ropey, rocky stuffs.
if im not wrong. cos i checked e meaning from dictionary.com =x
and when school reopens, gonna have swimming swimming.
laughoutlouds. needa buy new swimsuit. hahas =p
there's tooo many things i wanna buy. but..
by then i should have money le bahs.. l0ls.
well well. gonna go look for people to go out with.
scrolling through mah terrible phonebook of 300 odd people.
and i've no one to ask out? terrible me. l0ls.
there's someone i wanna ask out. and thats
him.
other than him, my beloved dajie, kor n girlies.. no more =)
alrights alrights.. gonna make plans for the holidays.
i
have to organise a get-together for my current class n pr6's.
am asked to anyway. but well. for the past years...
i've been organising. so it aint any tougher for me.. ^^
and of course, make time for him..... x)
okays okays. for now, im going off..
i wanna eat!! im darn hungry.. hahas...
so take care guys. will update soon..
and to all broken-hearts..do pull urselves through.it doesnt mean you guys cant be frens after breaking up.things will be fine, believe in urselves.. ^^take care alrights..
lovedd-
hmmm. how do i start this entry?
well. lotsa broken hearts over the past week.
kinda upset with both guys n girls. the heartbreakers.
lotsa peeps are outta love.
some struggle so hard just to stay in the game.
while some gave up and are looking for new games to be in.
and me? i dont know if im staying in the game,
or am i trying to look for new games to be in..
life recently just sucks. i dont know why.
so many tough things. so many problems.
i hate this period of my life. anyone help, please?
well. exams just ended today. but officially tomorrow.
cos will still be having mah art exam tomorrow.
and after art paper, going to kbox with the girls.
history today was easy. not very easy. but do-able.
dnt simply suck. gonna flunk it i guess.. but hope not.
as time pass.. im beginning to worry, to be afraid.
im sooo afraid that i'll be so alone.
he left, yet i did nothing about it.
you said i tried so hard to look at the bright side of life..
but what do you know about the life im leading now?
you dont even have the slightest hint.
and so you say im trying? yes i am. i dont deny.
you know how hard is it for me to stand on my 2 feets?
you know how tough is it for me to be all alone? maybe you dont.
he said he needa some freedom.
then why did he deprived mine at first?
i dont deny that after he left, i felt much much better.
its like a whole blocks of bricks are removed from my shoulders.
i feel better, im happier. maybe not bcos of his disappearance.
but bcos.. im all alone again, im who i once used to be.
at times, i just so very much wanna cry.
but somehow i knew i couldnt.
i fought very hard to survive through the close to 1 1/2 yrs.
all the quarrels, fights and everything you could name.
the happy memories will never be forgotten.
they'd be buried deep down in my heart.
the unhappy thought will all be washed away.
even the day you walked away.
i wan my life to have nothing but happiness.
now im all alone, i'll find my happiness with my bare hands.
i have no idea what meaning i'd wanna put across.
but somehow i think you'd leave like other guys.
never coming back to find me anymore..
somehow, my heart is telling me to give up.
cos it sees no hope, feels no hope.
the faith in u that u'd come back,
just fades away with the passing day.
maybe the day i wash you outta my mind..
will be some days in the near future.
maybe we're just not meant to be together...
maybe this is our fate..
maybe being with u is defying God's orders.
maybe being together is and has been a big mistake.
maybe separating will bring happiness to us..
maybe i should just turn my head and never look back~
feeling terrible. since the day our r/s ended, i hadnt cry.
till just yesterday, i felt so upset, broke down.
and cried walking alone in the streets at night.
it was scary. the roads were dark and cold.
so much i want you to be there to hold my hand,
telling me everything's gonna be alright.
the more i try to find you, the further you're away.
is this how our relationship's gonna end?
sometimes i just have to blame myself for falling in love with you.
for why must i choose you over willie..
for why must i want to get close to you..
sometimes, just sometimes.....
in the background of anywhere,
i'd hear you telling me you'll be there for me always,
till death do us part...
i made myself believed that stupidly, and feeling hurt now.
no matter how badly insulted, i still never forgets ur love for me.
and up till today, you still come across my mind outta nowhere,
telling me to wait for you..
can i believe that? i ask myself...
this two days, i've been asking myself over n over again..
to wait for you or to give you up?
i dont know. i really dont.. sometimes it just hurts so much.
i break down and cry. shedding tears may be stupid.
but there's no other ways i can go about doing things.
the question now still is to wait for you, or to let you go..
i hope you can think things through soon.
and tell me soon.. maybe sometime apart would do us good.
do think things through.. i'll be waiting...
gonna take a bath, a loooooooong one before dressing up.
im going for job interview. dont ask me where. its disgracing-
laughoutlouds. not actually. its
im lovin' it. got it? mac, if you dont.
disgracing, aint it? hahas.. well. ending this with.....
mr li sheng jie's yuan zou gao fei -ai ni cuo le ma? wei shen me hui shou dao na me duo cheng fa.ta men shuo de hua, xiang zhen wang xin li cha.wo xin zhong de pa. bu zhi zen me zuo cai neng gou fang xia.zhi bu guo xiang hao hao de ai yi ci ah~dai wo yuan zou gao fei. bu qu li hui.zhe yi ge fei duan liu chang de shi jie pu man xu wei.shi ni rang wo xuan ze chen zui. fan xin shou hou yue bu neng shui.zhi yin wei ai shang le ye de hei.dai wo yuan zou gao fei. yi qi qu zhui. you yi ge jiao zuo xing fu de shi jie mei you lei shui.wo yi jing gan jue dao pi lei. zhi xiang zai ni huai bao ru shui.bu zai hu bie ren yan zhong shi fei.chong xin zai chu fa. neng bu neng rang zhe tian di bu zai chao zha.wo de xin li mian an jing de bu xiang hua.gu shi de zhen jia. mei you duo yu de li qi qu fen bian ta.zhi bu guo xiang hao hao de ai yi ci ah~dai wo yuan zou gao fei. bu qu li hui.
zhe yi ge fei duan liu chang de shi jie pu man xu wei.
shi ni rang wo xuan ze chen zui. fan xin shou hou yue bu neng shui.
zhi yin wei ai shang le ye de hei.dai wo yuan zou gao fei. yi qi qu zhui.
you yi ge jiao zuo xing fu de shi jie mei you lei shui.
wo yi jing gan jue dao pi lei. zhi xiang zai ni huai bao ru shui.
bu zai hu bie ren yan zhong shi fei.dai wo yuan zou gao fei. bu qu li hui.zhe yi ge fei duan liu chang de shi jie pu man xu wei.shi ni rang wo xuan ze chen zui. fan xin shou hou yue bu neng shui.zhi yin wei ai shang le ye de hei.dai wo yuan zou gao fei. yi qi qu zhui. you yi ge jiao zuo xing fu de shi jie mei you lei shui.wo yi jing gan jue dao pi lei. zhi xiang zai ni huai bao ru shui.bu zai hu bie ren yan zhong shi fei.
MuVo Micro N200
MuVo Slim
MuVo V200
MuVo TX FM
see le, give some opinions can? hahas.. ^^
im having this darn weird feeling in me now.
right now. at this very moment.
couldnt describe it.
but i somehow feel that my heart is shrinking.
yes, shrinking. its getting soooo tight...
so tight that i cant breathe..
its just a very weird feeling..
this isnt all. i couldnt describe it..
hmm. well. just looked at creative mp3 players.
ive got 4 out of many in mind.
all 4 ranged $149 & $169 for 256MB.
isnt it cheapppp? i will get one. prolly myself =(
hmm. the functions of these 4 are the same.
just that the size n design. hahas.
so i need opinions..
MuVo TX Fm or MuVo Slim??
MuVo V200 or MuVo Micro N200??
micro n200 is the newest.
followed by slim. both cost 169.
tx fm n v200 a little older. cost 149.
but all has the same functions. haiis.
troublesome when it comes to getting myself things.
shall consider it. and decide soon!!! ^^
discussed with mah classmates today.
gonna have chalet most probably..
a 3 day 2 night. haiis~
hahas.. this holiday's gonna get sooo packed, so expensive.
many gatherings coming up. and im officially broke.
i needa work soon!!! n i will be, soon ^^
today had mah science paper..
hahaha.. do-able paper. chopchop can score ^^
thanks Lord for blessing me!! i know He did ^^
had geog remedial.
tomorrow having geog n math2.
im worried for math2 as geog sounded simple.
from what miss norlizah said.
but i will revise too~ hahas..
im going out real soon. meeting up with johan.
he's teaching me math. for tomorrow.
anxious anxious.. worried man~ haiis!!!
well well. for now. im gonna take a bath.
change and go out to study.
tonight shld be home early. to revise geog.
since im meeting him sooooo early.
its a rainy weather. nice time to sleep though.
but i guess im in the mood to study..
worried for my math!!!
so now, take care guys..
will update soon~ study hard oh~
byebye ^^
alrights. back home. from school.
had lit paper today. do-able.
wrote a hell lot of things. and i
mean hell lot.
its 9 pages. 5 pieces of the damn foolscap papers.
with my tiny whiny handwriting -.-
hopefully i'll pass. at least pass.
though its not what i want. but well.
pass de liao jiu hao =p
darn sians can.. hahas..
well. currently hooked onto tao ze's music.
darn nice. have been listening all over.
from his first album to tai ping sheng shi.
his songs are great. fabulous. marvellous. LOLS.
anws. this will be my worst exam period ever.
me and him broke up last night.
nono. sunday's afternoon actually..
well. i dont expect anything much actually.
thought over it real carefully.
if he wanna go, what's the point in asking him to stay?
yu qi liang ge ren bu kai xin,
dao bu ru wo rang ta zou, zi ji cheng shou zhe xie tong.
correct? i'd rather one suffer than two.
and i dont mind being the one who suffers.
he meant alot to me.
and if breaking up does make him happier..
i'm willing to let go and remain as friends.
yes, bingo. i cried. but so what?
as long as he's happy, i believe i would be happy too..
in times to come. hopefully soon..
jiang zhen de. letting go a 18 months relationship aint easy.
but yeahs. i gotta learn through the harsh way.
and if i cant let go of this..
how can i ever get into relationships anymore?
im afraid of heartbreaks. yes. but.. i must be strong.
and i will be. cos i believe this isnt all.
life still goes on for both me and him.
being happy is a choice, not a chance.i would rather be happy than to be upset.
so well.. time will heal all wounds =)
enough about me and him.
we're still contacting actually. but well.
nothing more than friends. we're good friends =)
and people, he'll take good care of me!!
dont bully me ah!! he's my darling man~ LOLS.
only he and i will understand what im saying ^^
he will be there for me 24/7. as usual =p
gosh. come to studies. im darn shag.
thanks to all the 'great' teachers i have in school.
my dear miss norlizah having geog remedial tomorrow.
just the day before our geog paper. hahas.
and bloody retarded me thought it was geog n dnt together.
but i was so freaking wrong. its math instead.
im soooooooo gonna flunk like shit man.
god bless me to pass*
the kind spirit won the evil spirit!! vivian pass!! yay!!!
LOLS. well. pardon me for the lame-liness.
im recovering from a heartbreak orites? =p
perhaps calling him for help just this time.
yet to get myself a bloody math tutor.
math doesnt rock at all. math sucks ^^V
having science tomorrow. bwahahas ~
why am i soooo happy? save me. l0ls.
still left diffusion n osmosis & human body to study.
gosh. tough!! gambate nehs~!! ^-^
l0ls. can you believe it? im talking to myself. hahas!
my aim for today:
get done with my science in 2 hours. (2 chpts nia)
re-read geog. ask questions. in 2 hours. (3 chpts nia)
practice my pathetic sucky math. rest of da day.
hahas. im so great.
HOPEFULLY i can really get done with those.
no more hopefully. its a
MUST.
exams are darn important..
told ya. it concerns my luxury of holidays.. =p
im gonna so enjoy my holidays... ^^
alrights alrights. dont know what else to do.
feeeling damn bored.
perhaps.. im gonna start revising..
and maybe... relax? haiis. see how bahs..
kkays. gonna end this entry with tao ze's wu yuan.
new song from tai ping sheng shi.
get that album. worth ur money. with great songs~
我承认我也有点情绪 该好好谈却让你离去
改天买点什么哄你 你就不会生气
一个星期都没你消息 十七个留言都没回应
感觉有一点不对劲 让我开始担心
我说了什么 我做了什么
还是问题不在谁认错
错在那不该做的却一直做 该说的没有说
我说了什么 我做了什么
你我还要骗自己多久
如果装若无其事重头来过 让我们比较好过 是对还是错
Hey ooh ooh 有什么出错
足够的技巧不去争执 足够的成熟但没情趣
会是爱得不够多 还是根本爱错
分手这念头你有闪过 老实说我也想过很多
难得但讽刺的默契 想想会更难过
我说了什么 我做了什么 还是问题不在谁认错
错在那不该做的一直做 该说的没有说
我说了什么 我做了什么
你我还要骗自己多久 如果装若无其事重头来过
让我们比较好过 是对还是错
怪你不如我先想清楚 慢慢了解爱不是在比谁痛
多用心都没有用 怪缘分不够
yeahs yeahs. gonna end here then.
take care guys. enjoy ^^
oh btw, happy 17th to jerry kor ^-^
a boooring saturday.
was at home the whole bloody day.
pity me, anyone?
thought today was mother's day.
so stayed at home.
but i freaking found out its tomorrow.
so tomorrow i doubt i'll be meeting mr honey.
im freaking pissed.
alrights. then mr honey was working.
since last nite. till 8 just now.
wanted to study the whole afternoon.
but was freaking restless and distracted.
whole day xin bu zai yan.
in the en, didnt manage to study.
what the ****!! wasted one precious day.
mr honey was and is damn freaking upset.
didnt get his pay today.
but told him what i think..
hopefully he'd feel a little better..
changed my layout.
i liked this layout.
i liked my old layout too.
but wanted a change.
i've used that layout a little too long..
but im freaking pissed with this layout's tagboard.
total failure. freaking upset.
was on the com, can say the whole day?
doing different things. haiis.
wanted to study.
but surely got some things that will distract me.
freaking upset sia.
den eat and everything oso got no mood.
in short. im in no mood for anything and everything.
well. i dont know what i'd be doing next. prolly sleeping.
have been sleeping at 3 plus the past few days.
den woke up darn early.
every nite sure waiting or expecting his call or msg.
rather distracted. lalala~
well well. my bloody brother darn noisy.
keep wanting to use the god damn freaking comp.
for msn, for gb.
why cant he go study. never once have i seen him studying.
gosh. im more pissed now. =(
alrights. take care guys.
enjoy ur weekend.
and study hard.
byebye -
edited!!
我只希望我们会一直一直的开心.
我什么都不要. 只要我们开心的在一起.
baby, 你知道我爱你吗?
wo zhi xi wang wo men hui yi zhi yi zhi de kai xin.
wo shen me dou bu yao.
zhi yao wo men kai xin de zai yi qi.
baby, no zhi dao wo ai ni ma?
spent the day unhappily.
spent the day with him being upset.
i had no idea what he was thinking about.
i have no idea how to go about doing things.
i was lost. i admit i am. and i still am.
i dont deny lots of things have been on my mind.
i dont deny ive been thinking about him and i.
i dont deny the thought of giving up has came across my mind.
for this once, i really am lost.
met him. and headed to meet deshun at 7pm.
and i went home. cos they're going to work.
the way he treats me when he's with me;
and the way he treats me when his fren's around..
is totally different.
you denied. but you aint me.
how would you know how i felt? you'll never know..
when the bus came, he just walked away w/o turning back.
usually, he'd wait till i wave goodbye to him on e bus..
but with his frens ard, he didnt care n bother much..
i messaged him. and asked him about it.
he actually lied. and told me he did turn.
but from the moment the bus came, till i board, till i sat;
i've been looking at his back view..
looking at him walked away.. without turning back once..
how could he actually lie? what is he trying to prove?
i really have no idea.. why is he like this?
and on the way walking to bus stop..
they planned to work again on vesak day..
and he told me its for once. but this is the second time..
and there will be a third, fourth, fifth time..
he assured me so many things.. but..
which has come true?
he actually forgot meeting out to study ytd n today..
how sincere is he about teaching me?
or how is he even sincere about meeting me?
is there even a less bit of sincerity?
how would you expect me not to be upset?
with his friends around, i am rather invisible.
when we're alone, if i dont pay attn to him, he'd get upset.
im really lost. i really am..
ever since a few days back, or even a week back..
the thought of breaking up didnt occur just bcos of these..
i somehow felt that both him n i'd be happier being just frens..
i dont know why.. but our relationship has been a problem.
we havent been happy.. upmteen times of quarreling..
this isnt a relationship i want..
i want to be happy.. i dont want the quarrels..
i wanna know i even exists when you're with ur frens..
i wanna know i still matter most to you when with ur frens..
with you.. i dont seem to feel these..
i felt as if you're leaving, we're drifting apart..
i've asked myself why are we together..
but i couldnt give myself an answer..
i wasnt sure if we're together bcos we're in love..
or bcos there isnt a reason for breaking up..
in the past, i was certain tt you love me.
in the past, i could feel your love.
in the past, you'd assure me so much when i feel insecure..
in the past, i felt so happy without knowing anything..
after knowing things, i couldnt seem to trust you.
it takes alot on me to decide to ease my mind to trust you.
everytime i make a decision, im so afraid i'll be disappointed.
i no longer have that courage to love, to trust..
and im thinking.. if i should let you go...
maybe you going would make you a happier man.
maybe you'd find a girl you love even more than you love me.
i dont know anything. i cant decide.
i dont want to make any decision now.
my mind isnt calm enough.
i aint prepared to make any decision.
i only hope we can spend more time together..
i seriously felt that we're drifting apart..
our love is fading away as the time past..
may the guardian of love bless us.. i love you*
well well. enough of love.. really troubled.
im feeling so god damn tired. but. i wont budge.
i will not sleep. i shall stay awake. haiis.
alrights. had math paper 1 today.
overall, it was a do-able paper.
but i had <10 marks deducted. haiis. disappointed.
but well. hopefully i will pass with a score of 30.
i'll be contented. im serious.. God Bless*
didnt had geography make up today though.
was postponed i heard. hopefully there'll be one soon.
feeling damn shagged. but...
i guesss i'll be studying a little.
before i really surrender and go to
bed.
today wasnt a long day.
but an unhappy day will eventually make one tired.
had a little tiff with him.
hopefully time will cure all wounds.
and hope in a short while he'd be fine.
for now. im gonna wash my face.
and perhaps watch some vcds while studying.
before 11pm comes and i rewatch dolphin bay.
cos i missed the first 1/2 an hour. was home late.
well. take care guys.. and be happy if you can.
cos being happy has always been a choice, not a chance.enjoy your weekend. God Bless ^^
05 May 2005 = 050505 ^^
alrights. came back home rather early today.
had mah language paper 2.
english was do-able. cope-able. can do. no problem.
chinese was simple. short and sweet. can do.
but minus 2 marks le. l0ls =x
hmm. ate. and explored mah house kitchen.
and realised my house have lots of chocolates.
i've got like..
dove dark chocolate from kenny from his perth trip.
brother's kit kats and chocolate chips thingy.
sister's chipsmore and milkybar nuggets.
singtel's chocolate which happens to be nice..
and mrs field's chocolate chips cookies.
and mah ferrero from mah ex classmates =)))
everything have got to do with chocolate.
now i know why im having sore throat.. l0ls!!
oh yarhs. finally got back mah digital cam.
so took all these stupid pictures outta boredom. =x
im supposed to be studying now actually.. lalala~
tml having math paper 1 n geog remedial mahs.. haiis!!
hahas.. kkays. shant complain sooo much..
and let me show ya mah Guess wallet;
from mr honey for my birthday... ^^
the wallet =)
and the inner view.. i simply love it ^^
well well.. hahas.. enough of updating i guess.
hahas.. meeting mr honey tonight for revision.
my math.. HAIIS. disappointment. l0ls!!
for now, gonna revise mah geog and math.
i'm quite done relaxing..
its been like an hour since i got home?
so its time to study!!
well. take care guys and study hard..
the hard work pays off afterall.
just suffer and hang on for a little while more..
all the best!!
study hard and play hard ^^
you can only think well when you're calm. relax~(ripped from mah english compre today. its edited =p)
cant seem to get to sleep.
cant seem to get anyone to talk to.
so decided to get on the comp n blog.
perhaps blogging would really help...
well. just dont know what is the problem with everyone.
and i mean
everyone. every
single one.
everyone is so fucked up today.
in school. my classmates was weird.
not for the first time in my life.
but it have been the second year since i've gotten into
this school.
i've never encounter this shit in my primary school life.
this sucks big time man.
got back my lit n math st papers.
both just pass. haha.
lit was 13/25. and 15 1/2 over 30 for math.
aint i great? hahas.. =x
had long hours in school today. real long ones.
just imagine studying from 730am to 5pm.
and having like
only one hour break the whole day?
separated into half hour, half hour each.
the thought of it turns one off
badly.
its that terrible okays??
dont know why some freaks just.. arghs. forget it.
after school still had to stay back to carry heavy pots of soil.
and take pictures. that celosia thingy.
in the midst of growing it. the 1st week. LOLS.
got home at like lets say.. 545pm?
i was totally shagged by then..
called mr honey. he advised and wanted me to study further.
its like.. come on. my brain's dead the moment i got outta sch.
its so darn tiring for goodness sake.
you might think that i havent been studying enough.
but just look at the hours ive spent in school.
dont i deserve to get some rest??
you wan me to study for long hours, i steady de.
but not
all at one shot. you'll be so freaking drained i tell you.
we were the only class for asp today. 2 asp for your info.
okays okays. at first things were kinda fine.
it was until at nite things go freaking wrong.
my mood swings with it. and im now freaking pissed off.
first. im damn pissed with my family.
one. wants help, please ask with courtesy. stop yelling.
two. please respect me. im 3 yrs older than you in anyway.
three. cant u just help since you're so near to whatever i need?
four. dont think im the maid or whatever shit.
exams round the corner. dont freaking add on to my problems.
five. dont be nice to me only when you need help. freaking idiot.
next. im a little upset with my mr honey.
first, he's adding pressure on me.
my family's like this. stop telling me what to do.
spare me for the time being.
second, he isnt tt good at consoling me
anymore.
so well. what changed??
third, he's not the one i can look for when i need a listening ear.
sorry to say this. but i feel this way.
but i understand. you're tired tonight.
and im taking up the time for your sleep. sorry.
kkays. enough man. i indeed felt better after pouring these out.
its like.. what the hell. i needa speak my mind.
it takes so damn much to bottle things up.
and i've got no more space for more problems into my bottle.
well. after this, i'll have a good night rest.
tomorrow's a short day. nothing on after school.
coming home. fnsh up my compre.
revise a little of my math. and fnsh all of my chinese.
thursday will be having language paper 2.
english gonna be tough. as its 2 compres only.
chinese i doubt it'll be any easier.
so gotta study hard. and smart..
meeting him tomorrow evening to study.
brush my last bit of compre n cover a little of math.
and thursday will totally focus on math. yupps.
thats about it. hopefully tomorrow will be fine.. *cross fingers*
so well. hope everything goes well. as for now..
every problem for the day was thrown behind with time.
so im now a carefree girl again =)
gonna go sleep. and hopefully enjoy my day tomorrow.
good night guys. sweet dreams. sleep tight.
may God bless you ^^
Dear Lord, our Father,May You look over us from above,and Bless Your children.May us forget all unhappiness,and remember only the happy times.May us enjoy all these,and in return, we'll take heed of your commands.in return, we will sacrifice for our Father.In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.take care guys. all the best ^^
dont brood over the past, the unhappiness.the future is just ahead of you.reach your hand out for the best.though no one knows how tomorrow will be.but with our faith and optimistic thoughts..we will overcome everything together as one..together we will work for the best.only the best... x)
edited*
morning peeps.. i just woke up =x
aiights. imagine getting home at 8am in the morning?
supposedly ve came home last nite. but but but.
decided to stay out n spend the nite with my boy. =)))
wenta david tao's mini concert last nite at expo.
there were like 5000 pple? gosh..
but lucky me, ray n cheryl were in the front rows.
and i mean the
first row. ^^
gosh.. its so darn nice can.. hahas..
he was cool. he is still cool.
his songs rocked. his songs still rock.
his voice was power. his voice is still power.
1 sentence to summarise everything..
i love tao ze!!! wakakakas <3
after concert was about 9pm.
took a train back to pasir ris with the couple.
met my babe at the control station.
den to macdonalds for dinner.
den den den. to bus interchange to catch a short nap =x
an hour later.. mummy called. told her i'd be staying out.
settled. woke baby up. got him lie in a more comfy position.
got him lie on my lap. my legs went numbed though =p
after not long, he woke up. den we wenta dte.
got a drink. walked into pasir ris beach.
the weather is still. no wind no rain.
wenta look for deshun n linkin.
they were sitting there eatting n talking.
soon we joined in.
well well.. linkin is outta love again. hahas.
lotsa funny things. real funny things. l0ls.
den headed down to linkin's place.
watched vcds. slept. i enjoyed slping =p
den woke up in the morning at 6am.
went for breakfast. den took a cab home.
came home. bathed and slept.
slept from like 8am till now.. l0ls. tired..
baby is still slping i guess..
tt piggy. my piggy boy =D
alrights. tomorrow should be meeting my boy to study.
tuesday will be a looong day in school. until 5. haiis.
that's about it i guess. yeahs...
next friday n saturday. baby going work again. haiis.
well.. nevermind. let him go to work.
den he shall rest on saturday nite.
and i can meet him on sunday =)
all well planned. hahas..
after my exams.. i've everything planned too.
should be working my arsee off. need the money.
i need to get some things. hahas..
well. i shant say much about it. cos not confirmed.
but most probably, plans still go ahead.
soooo well. gotta go then.
gonna end this entry with a song.
a song im currently hooked on..
take care guys. study hard ^^
tao ze's ai wo hai shi ta -hei an zhong de wo men dou mei you shuo hua
ni zhi xiang hui jia bu xiang ni hui jia
ji mo shen de xiang hai tai rang ren hai pa
wen rou ni de shou qing qing rou zhe wo de tou fa
ni de mei yan shuo ni hao ke wang wo yong bao
ni shen ti que zai ping ming tao dang yu wang zai ran shao
ni ai wo hai shi ta
shi bu shi zhen de ta you bi wo hao
ni wei shui zai zheng zha
ni ai wo hai shi ta
jiu shuo chu ni xiang shuo de zhen xin hua
ni dao di yao gen wo, hai shi ta
ai~ ai~ ai~ ta
zhe shi bu shi ming yun dui wo de cheng fa
ai ni ye mei ban fa hen ni ye mei ban fa
xian zai zhe ge xuan huo zhi xiang zhen tuo ta
la zhu ni de shou que rang wo ye bei tuo xia
ni de mei yan shuo ni bu ke wang wo yong bao
mei dang ai bian cheng le jian ao ni jiu kai shi yao tao
ni ai wo hai shi ta
shi bu shi wo ke yi zuo de geng hao
rang ni bu zai zheng zha
ni a wo hai shi ta
ni ning yuan ting dao can ren de hui da
ye bu yao zai bei shua
ni ai wo hai shi ta
wo wei ni zhao le yi bai ge li you
wo jiu shi na me sha
ni ai wo hai shi ta
shi fou chen mo dai ti ni de hui da
wo ying gai ming bai ba
ni ai wo hai shi ta
ni dou yi kan bu dao wo men de hao
wo hai wei shui qian gua
ni ai wo hai shi ta
shi fou chen mo dai ti ni de hui da
wo men dou bie zheng zha
qu ai ta ~
ciaos. take care ^^
